I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
