What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize