I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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