whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
