I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i barfeds in our rink
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
