i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
