well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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