We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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