I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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