now i know why i became what i already was.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
