I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
