ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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