this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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