the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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