You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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