just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
