Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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