so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
