There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
