as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
