i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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