sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
