I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
