I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Everclear isn't food dammit
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
