My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
