I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
