literally had 100 drinks last night.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize