suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
