I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize