I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
