I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
