Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
