Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
