Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
