currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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