I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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