I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
