I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
