I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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