my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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