i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
