i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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