watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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