i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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