i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
