I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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