I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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