There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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