please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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