saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
