I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
