His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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