..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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