I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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