You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
