lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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