i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
