And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
