so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
