see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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