I hope mine doesn't look like that
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
