Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize