Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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