I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
