Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
