so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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