Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
