I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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