The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
