whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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