But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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