I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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