just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
