i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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