he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
