I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
