New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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