$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
